Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Year Ago

A Year Ago
I was miserable,
Let me explain.

A year ago I was laying on a bed of sorts, a long platform, somewhat padded, that I shared with 6 other girls. I was just laying there on a Sunday afternoon, missing out on all the fun( sunsets, hiking, lounging, making fiends with a gay etc...) and silently cursing the name of Sara( love you Sara). My knee hurt, hurt being short for humbling, unforgivable, writhing( ok, it's not a "R" but neither is writing and the 3 "R's" people got away with it, so why can't I), torment. I was miserable. But as luck would have it all I needed was sleep and dear friends to help me though it. The days got better. The pain subsided and and the scab healed over. Now all there is left is a scar. A big, red bumpy scar that my sister tells me to cover up. But I don't, I'm kinda proud of that scar on my knee. It's a reminder that a year ago I was miserable, but only for a day.

A year ago my heart was torn.
Fiends that I loved left me. No longer would we be roommates, or neighbors, but only long distant pen pals. But new friends came and the tear in my hear scabbed over and fell off( kinda a icky image, sorry) But there it is, the scar. That one isn't as noticeable and no-one asks to hear that story. But it's there and I'm still proud of it. I didn't get dragged under a scooter to get it, it was much more gentle than that. Each day I let others hold my heart a little bit more till they held it together, and I was glad to let it happen. Then one by one they left, and my heart couldn't keep itself together by its self, and it fell apart. I'm all put back together now and happy. But I still think sometimes when my heart was not my own and how good it felt to let it go.

Scars are just memories. At times they are fresh, and like memories they fade till you don't think about them anymore. No longer are they associated with pain, we forget that, all we have are the "remember the whens'", and " long agos'".

A Year Ago.

1 comment:

Shan said...

Funny how things were a year ago. I know that you were going through a hard time with having all your friends leave, but I'm so glad that you stayed and were my scooter buddy! So true how injuries scab over. I liked how you referred that to things of the heart. I know that more than ever before. I hope life at BYU-I is treating you well. Think of you often! Shan